I am going to jump on the California Homecoming Dance Gang Rape story of a 16 year old girl bandwagon for a moment and it’s probably not going to make me a popular person. I am okay with that though. I have been following the story a bit through various news sites. I have refrained from reading blogs about it, because, well, people say stupid things and then I get annoyed. Today, however, I did read a blog on it, on myspace of all places. I was going through the top blogs looking for something interesting to read, some blog to crash and leave comments on, when I came across something titled “Gang Rape is not a Spectator Sport.” Before I get into this blog, I want to point out that this is the second gang rape that has happened in Richmond California in under a year. The first was the rape of a lesbian woman by four men after she was taunted for being gay. This is obviously a community with a number of problems that need fixed.
The “Gang Rape is not a Spectator Sport” woman is right in those words. However there were a number of things in her blog that didn’t sit well with me.
The first is that the woman who wrote the blog doesn’t feel that the teenagers involved should be tried as adults. She is a teacher and honestly feels that these boys can be helped. She feels that they will be getting too harsh a sentence being tried as adults. Tell that to the girl who was raped, beaten and left laying on the ground in critical condition that they need a lighter sentence than what they will get. First, rape is a felony. Second, the girl was beaten and had to be air lifted to the hospital. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that a beating like that would fall under felonious assault. Let’s also not forget that there were boys involved in this over the age of 18. The assailants were between the ages of 15 and 21.
RANDOM GANG RAPE FACT: Studies have shown that gang rapes tend to be more violent and that drugs and alcohol are often involved. It is also younger people who commit gang rape as opposed to other forms of rape.
The girl had been drinking. The news hasn’t said if the guys involved were.
Everyone is focused on how heinous this crime was because others stood around and watched. I have a theory on how all this happened. Teenagers do stupid stuff. You can’t tell me they don’t. Some of them do dumber things than others. The girl had been drinking, she was probably drunk. If not drunk she was at least somewhat compromised. I think it may have been possible that she made an offer and some of the guys took her up on it and things got out of hand. That would explain the audience and while no one did anything. It would explain why people recorded it on their cell phones. It also explains why someone would “attack” someone else when there were witnesses. I am not saying this is what happened, but it’s one explanation. Even if the girl did make some sort of sexual offer under the influence of alcohol, that doesn’t excuse the actions of others.
As far as those who stood by and did nothing, they are going to be haunted by the images of what they seen for the rest of their lives. They have to carry the burden with them that it is essentially their fault that the girl was raped and left for almost dead.
Something else in that blog that bothered me was that a couple of the people who commented was quick to blame things like porn and violent video games. These kind of comments always irritate me. They come from people who are looking for something to blame the ills of society on and think that of they got rid of everything in the world that offends someone, especially themselves, then the world will be a better place and everyone will live in peace and poop rainbows and butterflies. Those people need to get their head out of their asses. They also need to watch the Star Trek Voyager episode “Random Thoughts” and put some thought into it and then get back to me.
Realistically I know that an episode of Trek isn’t going to change minds and that I will be told “It’s a TV show and not reality.” Yea, well, many of the episodes deal with social issues so get over it. The episode I also referenced is relevant.
Take away the safe outlets of society such as porn and violent movies and video games and you are going to cause more problems than you solve. Believe me when I say it’s better for someone to go blow up monstrous aliens playing Doom 3 because they are pissed off at their co-workers than taking those aggressions out on the person who pissed them off. It’s also better for someone to go to their favorite porn site and jack off to get rid of their frustrations than taking it out on their date who has had a bit to much to drink.
Violent video games and movies and porn are not the cause of all the ills in society and I wish people would quit blaming these things. In fact, I wish people would just quit trying to place blame on anything and everything where they don’t have to do any introspection and own up to their own short comings.
Sometimes shit happens and there is no reason for it and we aren’t going to make sense out of it. Deal with it.
I would like to point out a few things. In the story about this rape, no one has said anything about the males involved. Do they have past criminal records? Have they harassed the girl before? Prior to this offense were any of the males considered “troubled”? Rape isn’t about sex, it’s about control and power. For some reason those males felt the need to dominate and hurt the girl for some reason. Has anyone thought to ask what that reason may have been, at least for whoever started it?
There is so much about this story that we don’t know and while everyone is standing around shocked that such a thing could happen no one is asking questions.
Teenage boys have a pack mentality and it’s been proven that they are more likely to commit a crime if they have an accomplice. Teenagers have a hard time thinking for themselves and at the same time they are seeking approval from their peers. This is partially how stuff like this happens.
Another thing that society needs to think about is the lack of sex education. For the last 8 or so years abstinence only eduction has been forced upon everyone. No one is allowed to talk about sex, at least not to anyone under 18. It’s time everyone acknowledge that at 18 human beings do not suddenly become sexual creatures. It happens long before then and they need the proper information before that happens. They need more information and guidance while they are learning to deal with their hormones. Parents need to quit practicing passive parenting and just assume that their kids have the information they need, that they aren’t sexually active, that they won’t do something, that they aren’t influenced by their friends, that they know better than to do drugs and alcohol. How many parents even meet all their kids friends? Do parents even teach their boys the proper way to treat girls any more? For that matter, do parents teach their children the proper way to treat other human beings? Based on the case of a 15 year old Denver boy with Cerebral Palsy who was harassed and abused by his classmates while they took pictures and videos and later posted them on Facebook, I would have to say no. Teenagers are still going through life with the mentality that if someone is different, that if they don’t fit in quite right, it’s okay to treat them like shit and abuse them. This is why teenagers are afraid to stand up for things and tell their friends when they are wrong. They are afraid they will be ridiculed and be the next one on the food chain who is going to be harassed.
I can tell you one thing with almost certainty, that girl won’t drink again. She won’t leave a dance and wander off with another group of people in the dark again. She will also be more careful in placing her trust in people. It’s sad that she has to learn some of life’s lessons the hard way.
So, instead of pointing fingers at things that, if parents were doing their job, their kids wouldn’t have access to, people need to step back and ask themselves what are they teaching or failing to teach their kids because they are avoiding having uncomfortable conversations. Believe me, I have had to have more than one unpleasant conversation with my kids, one of those being one of the things that a parent hopes they never have to tell their kids. If I didn’t have those conversations and share unpleasantness with them, I would be doing them a disservice. It’s my job to prepare my kids for the world, and that often means teaching them about things that in an ideal wouldn’t exist.
For those that think I am being insensitive you need to understand that I know a number of women, who, as teenagers, were raped (one even gang raped walking home from school) or taken advantage of while drunk by their boyfriends. Many of them ended up pregnant at 14 and 15. I know what kind of impact it had on their lives. Everyone of them told me they wished their parents had talked to them about alcohol and drugs, sex, boys and how to keep from getting in those kinds of situations. Some of them told me they wished their parents had been stricter and not let them do everything they wanted to do and set better limits.
